The Bible on Relationships

This message came from meditating on what I’ve read in the Scriptures.

It occurs to me that virtually all of life’s hardships and difficulties are related to one of 4 major areas of life: financial issues, health issues, spiritual issues and relationship issues.  Obviously each of these can be further divided into sub-categories and often they are interrelated. For now, however, let’s just consider the area of RELATIONSHIPS. 

I have come to understand that RELATIONSHIPS are the most important things in life. There is an old saying that says, “love people and use things” but too often we see the reverse, “loving things and using people.”

People are more important then ANY THING.  It is fine to have nice homes, cars, clothes, etc. There isn’t anything wrong with having money; there isn’t anything bad about travel, camping, fishing, hiking, sports or any hobby…unless they become IDOLS in a believer’s life. All these things, as great as they are, aren’t the most important things in life.

Relationships are ultimately what really matters.  When relationships are healthy and strong, there is nothing better in life.  But when they are broken or strained, they are about the most painful things in life.  Sadly, problems and difficulties can exist in every type of relationship.  And that is so because all people are infected with the “sin nature” and that nature causes us think mostly about ourselves, our feelings our circumstances our hurts, both real and perceived and therefore less about the other person, their feelings and circumstances and their troubles and pains.  

THE BIBLE SAYS A LOT ABOUT HOW TO HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS.

Below, I’ve summarized what it says about relationships in 6 areas of life.   

1. Relationship with God

Mt. 22:37-40 Jesus replying to a question from one of the Pharisees, an expert in the law, who was asking just to test Jesus, “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”  Jesus replied, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment.”   And then Jesus added, “And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.  All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.

So the Bible teaches that if we are going to get relationships right, we must start with loving God above everyone else…with “all your heart, all your soul and all your mind.” But how in the world can I do that, you might ask?  It’s hard enough to love people I know well and can see.  How can I love God who I cannot see and I may not know very well, if at all? That's a great question. 

The answer I would suggest to you is this: Get to Know God BETTER .That can only happen as you tend to it intentionally and over a long period of time.  That’s how all good relationships develop, right? When you do that, you will find it much easier to love Him above all others.  WHY?  Because He Alone is the Perfect One…He Alone is without fault or blemish…He Alone is Holy and Righteous and Just and Awesome beyond our understanding.

While His Holiness and Power can frighten us…and to some extent it should, we also need to know Him for His other incredibly wonderful attributes:  Here are some of those: God loves you far beyond what anyone else does, He is merciful and forgiving and faithful and kind and generous and compassionate and understanding.   So when you know God well, you cannot help but love Him…for He Alone fulfills all that you really desire.  

So, when you sin, RUN TO HIM, NOT AWAY FROM HIM, for He already knows your sin (more deeply than you do) and He is ready and anxious to extend to you His Mercy and Forgiveness and Grace. Jesus (being fully God) is our Great High Priest Who intercedes for us at the Father’s throne.  SO LOVE GOD MORE THAN ANY OTHER. 

A quite natural question arises from this admonition…How can I get to know God…to know Him well?  Here are a few practical suggestions:

1. Read and meditate on the Scriptures Every Day (Ps. 100;4) “Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise;  Give thanks to Him and praise His Name.”

2. Be active in a good church where you heard sound biblical preaching People are imperfect (all of us) but we pursue God together) 

3. Read good books likea couple of the old classics: J.I. Packer’s “Knowing God’ and  A.W. Tozer’s book, “The Pursuit of God.”

4. Commit yourself fully to God and He will reveal Himself to You

5. Confess your sins when you sin (everyone does) quickly and repent 

6. Walk in the light of His Word all your life and you will get to know Him better and better.

7. Participate in small groups with others who are living for God 

These are some of the best ways to get to know God.  I can also tell you from personal experience that knowing God is a lifetime endeavor and it will always be both challenging and rewarding. Nevertheless I say again,  LOVE GOD ABOVE EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING ELSE.   

2. Relationships within Family

The Bible speaks to husbands and wives and to children and parents. (Read Ephesians 5:22-6:4) Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, giving himself for her well-being;  Wives are to respect their husbands and submit to them, which by the way is much easier for a wife to do when the husband is loving her in the Christlike manner he is supposed to.This command goes against the grain of our contemporary culture and it certainly goes against the grain of our inbred sinful nature, but to say otherwise is to contradict the scriptures.   

Children are to obey their parents; and parents, especially fathers, are told not to exasperate their children (which fathers can readily do by being too demanding or harsh).   When these admonitions are believed and followed, family life is much more harmonious and peaceful.  Obviously, none of us fully fulfills these expectations at all times, so again, how can we do this well?   Here are some practical answers to that question.

1. Don’t be proud and arrogant; instead be humble and intreatable

2. Be filled with the Holy Spirit and ask God to help you be the person you really want to be.  When you fail, confess, apologize if necessary and keep on moving forward. In short, be kind, gentle, loving and forgiving with your family members. 

3. Relationship with Church Family

Much is said in the New Testament, especially in Paul’s epistles, about how believers are to get along with one another in the church.It is readily apparent as we read the book of Acts and the Epistles in the New Testament that believers weren’t perfect then, just as they aren’t perfect now.  Problems and issues of all kinds are addressed in the scriptures.  Most often, problems arose due to different understandings of what was proper or to the faults, sins, foibles of human beings. That’s still true today as it has been at all times.  

There are many “one another's” in the letters of John, Peter and Paul. Foremost among them are things like, “love one another… be of the same mind…strive to maintain unity… forgive one another as Christ has forgiven us…confess your sins to one another…pray for one another, etc. The list is long and these are just a few of them. 

We fulfill those admonitions when we take them seriously; when we don’t think too highly of ourselves but willingly put others’ interests ahead of our own.  All of that requires the presence and power of the Holy Spirit because those things are not natural to the old nature.  

4. Relationship in the Workplace 

(Eph. 6:5-9) Paul writes about slaves and masters, but the principles written there apply to contemporary workplaces as well. “Slaves obey your earthly masters” can also apply to employees in our day. “Do that, not only to win their favor but do it like slaves to Christ, doing whatever you do as unto him.” Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not just your boss.  

And to masters, Paul writes, “treat your slaves in the same way. Do not threaten them, since you know that he who is both their master and yours is in heaven, and there is no favoritism with him.  In other words, treat your employees with dignity and respect because the Lord is over both them and you.

These principles promote harmony in the workplace, but often people don’t behave in these ways.  So, as believers, we are told to “live in peace with all men as much as lies in us”  It is impossible to be in perfect unity and harmony with one who simply chooses not to be no matter what you do.  In that case one is free from any guilt and must just continue to do his/her best. 

5. Relationship with Friends Outside the Church

The principles of relationships holds true in this situation as well. However, when such friends are unbelievers, it should be the concern and prayer of believers to live in a way that will commend Christ to them and to seek opportunities to have gospel conversations with them.  Getting to know people well, which usually takes a good long time, and maintaining genuine friendship over that period can result in having opportunities to share the gospel.

Sometimes, if we push too hard. it can appear to the other person that they are just a target instead of a real person. In other words, have real relationships based on mutual interest and mutual respect; not surface relationships just to be able to tell people something you want them to hear. Evangelism is not meant to be like gun-slinging where one befriends just to corner people and TELL THEM THE GOSPEL.

6. Relationship with Others - People You Don’t Know

What about other people?  John 3:16-18 reads, “For God so loved  the world that He gave His one and only Son that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through Him.  Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the the name of God’s one and only Son.” 

That’s God attitude and disposition to all people everywhere. After all, all every person is made in the image of God and therefore is worthy of love and respect as human beings.  Our role is not to condemn people (I am not suggesting that we should affirm sinful behaviors...JESUS NEVER DID THAT AND NEITHER SHOULD WE. But we should approach all humans as worthy of our kindness so that we may have the opportunity to model Jesus’ love and perhaps give them the good news of the gospel. 

SOME CLOSING APPLICATIONS

Relationships get broken or strained for a number of reasons, but most often it is because of an offense or perceived offense on the part of one person or persons toward another. 

A) Therefore, do your best not to give offense

B) Choose not to take offense when it seems someone has slighted  or snubbed you (at least that's what you think

C) Apply the principles taught in Matthew 18 if someone sins against you

D) Learn how to apologize properly when you realize someone is offended by something you’ve done or they perceive you’ve done Here is how to do that:  

1. Take responsibility for your part in the problem, even if its very small

2. Ask forgiveness of the other person for your part only and don’t bring up their part at all. Ask this question, “Will you forgive me?”  Then wait until they answer…ask again if necessary.  Most often people will say, “yes” if they perceive that you are genuine in your apology…but not always. When they do say yes, the relationship is usually back on track. Frequently, but not always, the other person will then own up to their part and ask your forgiveness.

However, your apology shouldn’t depend on their asking for your forgiveness. Leave that in God’s hands. Finally, let’s all strive to live up to the admonitions of 1 Corinthians 13... “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

If believers live their lives in accord with these principles taught in the Bible their relationships we be strong and vital. They will be a delight and not a burden. But none of us is perfect, and that's why we need to learn to make things right with others when offenses arise, which they inevitably will.